He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Hippo gnu deer
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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