well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
