I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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