Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
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