just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
