So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
It's official drugs can't kill me
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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