allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
She made me pour olive oil on her.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
