I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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