tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
