addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
