Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
So vagazzling was a success
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
