How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
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I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
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Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
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