I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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