Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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