She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Randomize
