she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
