i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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