my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I am midnight drunk by noon
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
