he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
We left the knife in your bed.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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