hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
