wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Randomize
