When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
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