Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
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