I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Randomize
