You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
