After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
