your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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