I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
That was before I lit my hair on fire
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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