I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
