He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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