I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
