I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
