weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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