My room smells like vodka and shame
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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