I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
