it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
