I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
