I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
