you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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