so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Randomize
