Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
