evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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