just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Randomize
