I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
