true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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