I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
