I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
