What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
It's not a walk of shame if you run
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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