Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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