I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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