There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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