so that wasnt chicken after all
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
