You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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