how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
