Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
it glows. i had to have it.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
