I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
