For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
