woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
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