i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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