weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Randomize
