I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Randomize
