well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
