So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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