yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
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What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
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Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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