First date: that requires underwear, huh?
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
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