Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
