I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
