she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
